Software One liners

• The only risk of failure is promotion.
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Nobody ever got a job by being completely honest on their resume..make ur lies bold, creative and above all, unverifiable!
• Work is for losers. A winner says 'That's on my list' and never commits to a deadline.
• You're in H.R. now, it's ok to be evil.
• As you gain experience, you'll realise that all logical questions are considered insubordination.
• Feedback is a business term which refers to the joy of criticizing other people's work.
• S/W Enginner: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
• Lately the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labour.
• An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience.
• Today I started hating people in advance.It saves time.
• It's not all that fun to have nothing to do; the real fun is in having a lot to do and not doing it...
• A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
• A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• Starting today, all passwords must contain letters, numbers, doodles, sign language and squirrel noises.
• Tomorrow is a mystery, why try and fix it today?
• Manager:you're not me,therefore you're irrelevant !
• I get mail; therefore I am :).
• I'll be happy to make these unnecessary changes to this irrelevant document.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
• Success always declared as private and failure as public.
• How you measure the performance of your managers directly proportional the way they act.
• Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
• I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
• Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
• For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
• Ascii stupid question, get a stupid Ansi!
• My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.
• I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control !!!
• TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters only one row of the keyboard.
• The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced.
• As I know more of managers I expect less of them, and am ready now to call a manager a good manager, upon easier terms than I was formerly.
• If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
• It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
• Press CTRL+ALT+DEL to continue....
• If your Boss can't say No to His Boss, Change the Job.
• Time is so short, you can't make a debug...
• Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
• Don't fix it if it ain't broke.
• Nothing shocks me. I'm a Software Engineer
  
• This is an object-oriented system. If we change anything, the users object.

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