Money oneliners

Money One liners :

• Money can't buy happiness but somehow it feels better to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle.
• They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
• Money talks.
  I'll not deny.
  I heard it once,
  It said good-bye.
• Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
• My Server stopped.I am having an out of MONEY Error !!!!
• Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
• If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
• Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
• Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop
• Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn NO money.
• Its easier to create money than to spend it, In the event of crisis ignore this message.

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    Evergreen Funny Lines !!! 

    Some popular Quotations Collection

Funny Quotes

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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Funny Questions

Alcohol Quotations

Other funny Quotations

Funny Quotations

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your garments.

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Funny Alcohol One liners
Funny Dilbert One liners
Other Funny Stuff
Fun

Dilbert One liners

• Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
• Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
• Born free, taxed to death.
• Nobody ever got a job by being completely honest on their resume..make ur lies bold, creative and above all, unverifiable!
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
• Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
• When did ignorance become a point of view?
• And remember, money is no object... unless you intend to spend it.
• Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
• It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
• A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
• The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
• As you gain experience, you'll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination
• Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
• Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
• The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
• Someday is not a day of the week.
  
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

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Inspirational One Liners

Marriage One liners

Full Time pass Quotes

Time Pass One liners

• There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
• I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
  
• I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
• There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors.
• A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another.
  
• May the Lord keep you in his hand and never close his fist too tight.
  
• Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid!!!
  
• They certainly give very strange names to diseases.
• Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
  
• Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
  
• If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
  
• Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
• It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
• An author doesn't necessarily understand the meaning of his own story better than anyone else.
• Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid!!!
• He who is not strong must needs be cunning.
• If you are lucky enough to be Indian, then you are lucky enough.
  
• I can count my money, I don't have a billion dollars :(
  
• You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
• I can resist everything except temptation.
• Not every story has explosions and car chases. That's why they have nudity and espionage.
• The thing I'm most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands.
  
• Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
• Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.
• Getting caught is the mother of invention.
  
• The race isn't over, coz I haven't won yet.
• Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
  
• Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
  
• All generalizations are false, including this one.
  
• A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  
• People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege.
• Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it.
• Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
• F.E.A.R.: F**k Everything And Run!
• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
• SEX is not the answer. SEX is the question and YES is the answer!!
• Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over.
• I can only please one person per day. Today isn't your day...and tomorrow don't look good either.
• You may laugh because I’m different, but I laugh because you’re all the same.
  
• Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
• 63% of all statistics are made up... including this one.....
• A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
• Stupidity is like nuclear power, it can be used for good or evil.
• We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
• Always and never are the two words you should always remember never to use.
• Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
• if u think u can, u 'CAN.... And if U think U CAN'T u r right....
• Men who made history had little time to write it
• No one believes forecasts, but we all want to hear them.
• You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
• Laziness is the mother of all vice... but, it's a mother and you should respect her!
• A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
• Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives.
• Everybody has a photographic memory. . . . Some don't have film.
• Great men are not always wise.
• I found the key to success :) .... somebody Changed the lock :(
• There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
• If you believe everything you read, don't read.
• No matter what I do, it always feels better when I stop doing it.
• Those who grew up without any particular skills end up in marketing.
• Its better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right question.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Trust in God but lock your Bike.
• Nothing fails like success.
• Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
• Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
• Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something.
• I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
• It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
• {Earth's gravity is a myth! it sucks}
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
• Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
• Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• You either have to be first, best, or different.
• Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
• If you like me raise your hand, if not raise your standard !!!
• There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
• Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
• Democracy means government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.
• Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
• Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
• Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
• That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
• I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
• A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.
• I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.
• The best way out is always through.
• Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was.
• Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
• Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
• If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough.
• Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
• Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.
• Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
• God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
• You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
• People ask for criticism, but they only want praise.
• Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
• There are some people who live in a Dream World, And There are some who face Reality; And Then there are those who turn One into the Other
• To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.
• Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
• Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.
• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
• I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists.
• I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
• Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
• People wish to be settled: only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them.
• Everything in the universe goes by indirection. There are no straight lines.
• If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
• Strategic planning is worthless -- unless there is first a strategic vision.
• Goals are discovered, not made.
• No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.
  
• Boredom: the desire for desires.
• The future has a way of arriving unannounced.
• Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.
• What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
• Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
• I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.
• Economy in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
• Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.
• Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shutup'.
• In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.
• Hatred is love frustrated.
• I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
• There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
• Freedom is like taking a bath -- you have to keep doing it every day!
• My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.
  
• You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
• Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
• You guys line up alphabetically by height :O
• If you are not living the life on Edge, You are taking too much Space ;)
• I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay.
• God must love stupid people; He made so many.
• You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
• Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.
• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
• Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
• The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
• Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
• If you are going through hell, keep going.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
• If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
• A witty saying proves nothing.
• Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
• Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
• God, please save me from your followers!
• A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
• All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
• Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
• Death is hereditary.
• Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
• Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
• Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
• Intelligence is not trying.
• Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
  
• Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

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